So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
