I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize