i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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