its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
