What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
