we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
