she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
