the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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