Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
