I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
