My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
