:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
