I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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