we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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