I think I won the penis lottery.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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