I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
