every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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