yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
