we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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