I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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