the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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