so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
