You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
