can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
