He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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