dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
