i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
