I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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