I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
