you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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