I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
