I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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