dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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