When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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