Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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