I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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