If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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