I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
