I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
