i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
