my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
