i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
