They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
