I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
