i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
