tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
