Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
