Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
