There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
