i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
