I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just pee around me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
