So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
