Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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