He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
