Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
