she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
