My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
