Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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