I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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