So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
