My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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