there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
