I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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