listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
do nipples grow back?
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