Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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