Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
