Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He? As in you personified your dick?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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