im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
