The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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