The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Enjoy the penises
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
