I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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